Danske Bank 2 - 0 Ulidia Masters

Denmark (the Isthmus north of Germany)

Ulster (the 9 counties in the north of Ireland)



On consecutive Sundays, the men of Ulster (check the meaning of Ulidia, non Irish speakers) have taken to the battlefield to defend the honour of their infamous name by kicking a ball around a patch of green. The most recent outing pitched the boys in green against the blue boys of Danske Band, ably mustered by Davy "Chopper" Harris. This nomenclature has more to do with a former Chelsea full back than the size of Davy's manhood! The venue was the new 4G pitch at Knockbreda, a jolly fine setting for a Sunday afternoon kick about.


Both teams started tentatively with neither keeper called to make a save early doors. The evenly matched sides continued in the same vein until Ulidia pushed up for a corner. The ball bounced at the feet of makeshift striker, Stevie Mitchell, who connected but his shot went wide to the relief of the Danske Courtois. Minutes later, a sweet through ball from Mitch gave Mad Jack Anderson the opportunity to open his account but his shot hit the post, while at the other end, Kieran "The Cat" Connolly pulled off a couple of great saves during the half to ensure honours were even at half time.


Squad rotation at half time and a relatively positive team talk from Ron Manager looked to settle the nerves and press for the elusive goal, however, Danske and in particular, Scottie the Marathon Man, had other ideas. A looping cross cum shot swirled into the Ulidia net off the post and the Danish pastry lovers were in heaven. An end to end game ensued and it was the Danes who profited again when Johnny Glover got a nosebleed in the opposition box and the ball bounced off his head and into the gaping Ulidia net. 2-0 to the Norsemen. And so it would remain despite Ron reshuffling his pack.


The post match inquiry in the Knockbreda club, concluded that, despite the result, this was an improved performance from the Ulidia boys. Possession stats were up from the last game as were shots, corners and tackles won. The goals scored stat was down but this could be ignored in the absence of a recognised striker. A couple more games before the Hamburg international to get the balance in the team about right. Magic showed some concern about who he might be rooming with on tour when it was suggested he should look after Girly Bhoy. His worries abated when it was pointed out that Girly will spend very little time in his bedroom but will spend a load of euros in the bedrooms of the Hamburg professionals of the Rieperbahn!


Roll on Hamburg, roll off Girly Bhoy!