Geordie Heaven

A rare hug from Ron Manager as Geordie ensures

his place in Ulidia folklore with an unbelievable

strike from the big interloper.

Sporting a Toon top, last seen ten years ago, it was Geordie's night as he crowned a fine display in Cardiff with his first goal for new club Ulidia Masters at Lough Moss. Forced into a move during the transfer window when Rafa broke the news in a voicemail, that the big lad was no longer part of his plans, Ron Manager moved quickly to secure Big Geordie's autograph and the rest is history.

Ron continues to add to his squad and could not turn down the opportunity to secure the Geordie signature. "Fashioning himself very much in the style of Michael Chopra, he is a valuable addition to our depleted ranks", said Ron when pushed to give a comparator. Geordie models himself on Micky Quinn on and off the pitch, only recently losing his moustache in a bet with Keith Gillespie. He is a social animal and can often be seen in the Arbele Lounge lamenting the days of yesteryear when he was D'Artagnan to the three musketeers who were Malcolm MacDonald, John Tudor and Alan Gowling - the real United Trinity. When not holding court in the Arbele, any other hostelry on the Ormeau Road is a good bet and sometimes even further afield.

If you are one of our regular readers and would like to witness the Geordie at work, why not sign up for the 2018 Hamburg tour where outlandish frolics are guaranteed. Please respond to the email (the Hamburg one) one way or the other so that the best deal can be struck for those who are confirmed.

The comment that Bobby Robson once made pertaining to Nobby Solano could almost apply to Big Geordie -  “He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him.” Catch him in the Errigle this Friday!

Jack Off

In a league of their own

Parting is said to be a sweet sorrow and thus it came to pass on June 1st that we bade farewell to Mad Jack, the fiery ginger dynamo. The quiet man from stab city is off to pastures new, Melbourne, Australia where he assumes the Professorship of Sports Science in their estimable University - take note Robin Quinn, he will be looking for a game. In his testimonial, he bowed out as victor in a 768 - 767 thrilling encounter, according to Marty Mulholland. The fun didn't end at the PEC though. Huge numbers made their way to the Errigle for a final send off and a couple of free pints courtesy of the Monday night slush fund.

A rare smile from Ron and an Ultan photo bomb

There is already talk of Culchie's stag do going down under but that might require a cash injection from Girly Bhoy's legacy fund as he has apportioned a significant donation to Ulidia FC in his last will and testament. He was conspicuous by his absence at the final shindig but it transpires that he was last seen boarding a flight to sunnier climes in order to exercise his love truncheon. His pear picking porky has recently been ushered into forced retirement as a result of health considerations. We wish him all the best in a swift return to full ting tonging.

March of the Lambs

Manuela and Girly Man

The first week of the month of March when I am reliably informed that the weather changes from lionesque to lamb-like in the 31 days it takes for the month to pass. The most recent outing at Lough Moss was a timid affair with both teams more lamb-like than lionesque. The result was a home win with goals coming from Tank, Fuzz, Ferryman, Deeno, Culchie and Cruncher but in no particular order and in no particular end.

This month also celebrates the first anniversary of the fund raising effort we all contributed to when our philosopher goalkeeper was suffering the terrible effects of pulmonary fibrosis. This, as we know, was very successful, not only in bringing the attention of the public to the debilitating effects of the disease, but also has provided a happy outcome for the Scottish legend who is now fully functional with two working lungs. Indeed it is hoped that he will make a return to his position between the sticks at the second playing of the Love Street Charity Cup. I bring this up because, this week, I received a very nice email from a chap called Alex Croft at Action for Pulmonary Fibrosis. In a very humble missive, he conveyed his gratitude for your generosity in raising a total of £8713.23 for their relatively small charity. Not bad for a bunch of has been ex footballers!

Last week, I also received the following link from Burnsy of Orangefield - one of our adversaries on the field.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/mar/04/james-brown-five-a-side-above-head-height?

As a reader of this blog, it reminded him of the original article which prompted the instigation of the Len Cantello FC blog over a year ago. I particularly liked the metaphorical use of "sporting karaoke" in this piece. The truth is some of us couldn't sing in 1982 when our game started and still can't sing now - that was another metaphor in case you wondered. Ironically, that original link, over a year ago, was provided by Blind Willie who only this morning sent me the same link to the above blog. Looks like you might need to copy and paste that to make it work.

I was talking to Blind Willie recently and he is confidently striding toward full recovery after his own health issues. He has just embarked on a "Belt and Braces" course of chemotherapy to ensure his return to the fray in the not too distant future.

Finally, a nod to Girly Bhoy who has at last become a man having been seen out with a lady (Manuela) and not a ladyboy. I had a lengthy chat with the hithertoo, wily goal getter who has had his own set of problems to deal with of late. A diagnosis of Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma was not the perfect coming of age gift but unfortunately something that he has to confront head on. This will of course wreak havoc to his expensive thatch but should allow him to continue providing us with amusing anecdotes for years to come. Keep taking the pills Girly!

Sheep in Wolf's Clothing

A sheepish looking Wolf

Not a night to remember at Lough Moss, (just ask the Gazi - he forgot to turn up) but for the reappearance after many moons of Wolfman who continues to bark at the terrestrial satellite while nobody else listens. Not a bad reintroduction for the hirsute playmaker who has changed his diet, girlfriend and trouser size in the intervening years since he last put his paw on a ball. Indeed, the lupine master was instrumental in putting the lambs of Lough Moss to the slaughter as he ran the show from the heart of midfield without a single howler. He hopes to return next week since he has got a taste for the blood of virgins - not that there were many of those in evidence tonight.

For the record, Ron Manager picked a winning selection while the Bogman underestimated the value of experience in going for a younger squad of would be has beens. Their day will come!