Rocky Road to Recovery

The Liquidator - "I will mess you up!"

Often have you heard it said, "He's a really nice bloke off the pitch". Generally, the assumption that one is inclined to make in light of this comment is that he must a complete bastard on the pitch! This, of course, is not universally applicable but as a rule of thumb it tends to be reasonably accurate - remember that lunatic who used to play at Maysfield and Declan O'Kane broke his wrist trying to kill him? The "Liquidator" or "Hallion" as was his alter ego in a previous incarnation is a really nice bloke off the pitch and the reason that you, dear reader, have been blogless this last couple of weeks. The recovery time for a badly bruised heel is much longer than I would have expected, but the older you get the longer is any recovery time. Girly Bhoy was only yesterday telling me that he can't get his breath back to make love more than once during a night of horizontal jogging so if he is struggling, what does that mean for us lesser mortals. To be fair, Girly's love sessions are legendary and, I believe, he only managed it once on tour but of this he cannot be sure - Ron reckoned he was awol at least twice and he couldn't have been lost in the lift on both occasions!


Fortunately, with the exception of Gaz, I have not been missed at our weekly football ritual (Gaz phoned to say that he missed me and my dazzling flair or was that hair?). Without the assists, the strikers have been quiet and goals have been few. Cruncher is still laughing at himself and Ferryman is laughing at Cruncher laughing at himself. I would like to report on some magnificent, post tour, end of season shenanigans but other than the usual antics of Girly Bhoy and his mogadon enriched insightful opinions, there is little to deliver.............
With the exception of one final reminder to contribute to the Weiry fund at www.justgiving.com/weirysbuffs. We have almost raised £7500 without the tax dividend so this has been a very successful exercise. I know some folk found it problematic when trying to access the page, so here is your last chance as I will be winding up the page next week.


I look forward to getting back in a week or so but in the meantime, go easy on the liquidator!

Glasshütte SV 1 - 1 Ulidia

Ulidia FC on tour (strip by Artigrass!)

The original purpose of the weekend in Hamburg was to reinforce our link with Glasshütte SV and at the same time bring the team together with a few beers and banter. There is no doubt that mission was well and truly accomplished and nobody died although there could yet be complications which could lead to premature death as an indirect result of 48 hours in Hamburg.



Magic looks happy with his stuka dive!





McKenna tells the paparazzi where to go!



Nerves were fraught before the game as Ron Manager insisted on no alcohol before or during the flight to Germany. It therefore came as a relief when big Rudi produced a case of beer before the game in an attempt to lull the opposition into a hyper relaxed mood. This plan backfired as it was just what was required to settle the anxiety that had been plaguing the Irish travellers.

Jolinho contemplates his outside bet of Australia for the Eurovision Song Contest

Blind Boy of Cullybackey dips into his illicit liquor stash!

Eventually, around 12 hours after leaving home, the game kicked off in earnest and the Belfast Betis were immediately on the back foot. Safe hands from Big Kevin (hands like shovels and feet like feet) settled the back four who contained the onslaught from the German Panzer division. The Blind Boys of Cullybackey were readying themselves for a gas attack when Sepp Maier lobbed one over the top to the feet of Magic McCloskey. Summoning up all his devilish flair, Magic ran straight at the shellshocked keeper who had no choice but to pull him to the ground. The referee eventually awarded the penalty after consultation with the Luftwaffe and, hey ho, it was jolly spiffingly fantastic to poke our noses in front when McKenna stepped up and dispatched the spot kick with all the aplomb of the rooftop sniper that he isn't.

 

A few changes were made on the pitch but the travelling team looked more likely to add to their tally before the half time whistle.The ceasefire allowed the home team the chance to regroup and reorganise themselves for a full scale attack in the second half.

The German changes had an immediate effect on the game and again the Ulidia goal was under siege. Wave after wave of Blitzkrieg attack were repelled but it was only a matter of time before the Germans got what they deserved. A pinball experiment in the Ulidia box ended up with the ball in the net and the Germans thought the Maginot Line had been breached. Ron manager had other ideas and fresh legs gave Ulidia a couple more chances to win the battle. A winner in the crossbar challenge, McKenna, thought he had stolen the lead when an adept left foot volley rebounded off the crossbar with the keeper beaten. Did he do enough to win "Man of the Match"? A split vote with Paul McCoy's considerable work in midfield proving the deciding factor.

Ron and Cruncher debate Girly Bhoy's contribution

Post match revelry in the Glassshutte club continued late into the night/morning on the Reeperbahn. Some bodies only arrived home in time to get up for the St Pauli match and some decided that they liked the hotel so much that they would spend most of the morning in the lift. Others chose the pavement outside as their preferred resting place for the late evening and some opted for the second floor corridor!

Dirk does not wear white sox!

The Jolly Roger was the pre St Pauli match venue and a fine establishment it is too. Celebrations continued into the night as St Pauli put five past Kaiserslautern.

Girly Bhoy dispels the myth!

The Hamburg team have indicated that they are going to put together another tour to these shores within a couple of years, so who knows, maybe a return to that corner of Schleswig Holstein is a possibility for Ulidia.

A final reminder that we are still fundraising for Weiry who was our goalkeeper when the Germans first invaded Belfast. If you haven't contributed, please consider doing so at www.justgiving.com/weirysbuffs. The page will close down at the end of the month!

Vorsprung durch Astra (the beer, not the car)!

Hand of Dog

Centre Forward or Full Forward?

The most recent instalment in the life of an aged ex footballer was played out at Lough Moss on Monday night. A dogged performance from the Bogman's selection saw them pull off an unlikely 0-0 draw. In the balmiest night of the year to date, players were sweating and panting like a team of Thai hookers trying to out run Girly Bhoy in the brightly lit streets of Pat Pong!

Pat Pong, where Girly Bhoy displays his wares

No goals but plenty to talk about. Cruncher O'Keefe looked like he had the number 9 shirt nailed down until this performance. He seemed to be confused by the pitch markings and consequently settled for the easy option - taking his points when he should have tried to beat Hendy in goal.


At the other end Ferryman too, forgot the code and Maradonaesque, attempted to hand pass to himself for the only goal of the game. Obviously ruled out but not without complaint from the Monaghan man who cried about it all the way home (not to Monaghan but it felt far enough).


So, next week's game is cancelled due to lack of able bodies but tune in for the news of what Girly got up to (or just up) on tour. Remember, "What goes on tour................ gets reported on the blog!"


Dogs                Swine


Bogman           Noel
Sean                Fuzz
Marty               Jack
Girly                 Jolinho
Ferryman         Lorenzo
Texas               Wee Fuzz
Jim                   Cruncher
Hendy              Gaz
The Don           Magic

Marathon Men

Father and Son

A twelve goal thriller on marathon day saw the Bog's selection triumph over the tired team of mad dentists. To be fair, the difference between the teams was the superior speed, guile and poise of Bogman Junior as he zipped around the field of play to the consternation of the weary opposition who quickly raced into a three goal deficit which was always going to prove difficult to make up.


The evening was not a complete disaster for the vanquished as both Cruncher and Girly Bhoy got on the score sheet, but the question remains, "Has Cruncher done enough to displace McKenna from the starting eleven in Germany?" thus earning himself a nice new number 9 shirt. As talk of Germany was on everybody's lips, the good news is that we have enough tickets for the final St Pauli game of the season, but only two individuals prepared to drive to the airport for the 0650 departure. Remember that it is your responsibility to get there at least 90 minutes prior to departure and, as we are travelling as a group, any latecomers will affect the passage of the rest through duty free which will not be open to Culchie.


Ron Manager has drawn up the rooming list and has, unselfishly, placed himself with Girly Bhoy in light of his attempt to sabotage our last departure from Germany as he spent two hours in the bathroom cleaning his vitals with a toothbrush. Culchie does not want to miss the opportunity for duty free jager bombs on the return leg of his first international match and as the baby of the group, will be providing for all!
















Bog Men                  Muck Spreaders


Bog Man                  Ron Manager
Owen                       Jack/Culchie
Ferryman                 Girly Bhoy
Fuzz                         Wee Fuzz
The Don                   Texas
Jolinho                     Noel
Gaz                          Cruncher
Magic                       Marty
Sean                        Deeno