Bizarre Love Street Triangle

Legends and Sagas!

The inaugural Love Street Charity Cup, sponsored by Brian Kelly Solicitors (Did you trip over that dodgy kerbstone?) has been added to the Ulidia Trophy Cabinet after Sunday's match saw the Ormeau Road outfit run out 2-1 winners in a tightly contested game with Inst Legends. It took a penalty from McKenna to separate the sides but, on the day, the real winner was love, friendship, camaraderie and Action for Pulmonary Fibrosis. The purpose of the game was to raise awareness of the disease and simultaneously raise some money for the charity. Our own goalie, who is a sufferer of the disease was there to present the trophy and join in the general mayhem that ensues after these matches. As expected, there was a bigger than normal crowd of well wishers who cheered on both teams but were especially impressed by the dancing feet of Conor O'Keefe who dived dramatically to win the penalty that ended up the difference between the teams. Conor was frustrated again at his inability to get onto the score sheet but he can be satisfied that he ended up on the winning team for once.


Some good performances from the blind stopper and the makeshift keeper built the platform from which the rest of the team took confidence as they carried the game to the opposition. Inst decided to dispense with formal positions and revert to total football but unfortunately this approach backfired when the team of liberos conceded early doors. A smart strike from Ferryman beat the young keeper who was caught cold. There were chances for both teams to add to the tally but as half time beckoned the only score was from the flute band who played a selection of Weiry's fireside favourites.


Referee Maxi blew for the start of the second half and at once Inst pressed forward looking for the elusive equaliser. However, when the breakthrough came it was for Ulidia and the penalty decision that swung the game. Conor paid Maxi and Paddy Power paid Brian Kelly as McKenna slotted home from the spot. A late consolation for Inst's lone striker, Gordy, meant the game went over 2.5 goals and some respectability was earned.

Weiry, Willie and John McKenna photobomb!

The fundraising page is still live at www.justgiving.com/weirysbuffs so please have a look and cough up if you haven't already done so. There are lots more photos on the charity page so it is worth a visit even if you have already contributed. I am also pleased to report that Weiry has been added to the waiting list for a new buff which could mean that he may be back on his line next year if everything falls into place. Without doubt yesterday was a huge success and I would like to thank everyone who attended or who has contributed to the fundraising total thus far. We have almost passed £6000 which, as was pointed out on the charity page, almost exceeds the financial budget of a club the size of St. Mirren, although it would not approach Girly Bhoy's Hamburg sex budget! Again, the said sex tourist was conspicuous by his absence as he saves his pennies for the upcoming bonanza of depravity. Look out ladies!

Caught by The Fuzz

Look out, look out when Fuzz is about!

Another welcome return to the PEC for the travelling minstrel of Ulidia. Wearing enough body armour for a medieval jousting tournament, the Black Knight assumed his role of medieval dynamo with consummate ease, spraying the ball around like an arterial spurt from a femoral laceration. It was a good thing that he came prepared as the Neo Nazi McFlynn went full throttle on mass extermination with trailing feet, leaving the Black Knight with a reminder of what it is like at the PEC. The absence of Hallion Moore left a gaping hole which McFlynn felt obliged to fill, thus freeing up another spot on Sunday's team due to wreaking havoc with his own players.


Bogman and Culchie linked well when they could get the ball off Texas, while Vince and Sean ably supported the strike force from behind where Girly Bhoy longed to be! Unfortunately, Girly was on the other team. He did his best to get behind the ball but was oft found wanting when he was daydreaming of life in Taiwan.


On to Sunday, when most of the PEC squad will turn out at Ulidia for the Love Street Charity Cup, sponsored by Brian Kelly Solicitors (Have you been involved in an accident recently?). The opposition are Inst Legends who don't know what they've let themselves in for. Remember to get your wallets out and donate at www.justgiving.com/weirysbuffs. A big turnout is expected on Sunday so get there early.


Cops                     Robbers

Ron                       Sean
Gaz                       Culchie
Fuzz                      Bogman
Girly Bhoy             Marty
Rory                      Texas
Noel                      Vincent

Return of the Mac

Let's be Frank!

At our age, it's not common for football comebacks to be successful. More often the trapped sciatic nerve or the recurring dodgy hamstring put paid to a serious long term run, but Frank McKenna might be the exception that proves the rule as, on his return, he galloped to and fro like one of the nascent spring lambs in the nearby Castlereagh Hills. Despite the spring in his step, there was no answer to the pressing onslaught of the Bogman's selection. The choice of Hendy in goal might have been the difference between the sides as he saved everything that Ron Manager's wards could muster.

More importantly, both teams completed the trial without succumbing to injury although Marty "Bite yer Legs" McFlynn did try to secure his team selection with a late challenge on tricky Deeno and Magic was concerned about a high foot as he has the upcoming photo shoot in mind and didn't fancy a bloody nose. Girly Bhoy was absent as he has been resting in anticipation of his star striking role - he is taking advice from Arthur Scargill.

This being the last intra squad game before the Weiry Love Street Charity Cup which takes place this Sunday 24th April - the real centenary of the 1916 Rising, Ron will be putting the finishing touches to his team selection. Bribes were in evidence but there is no doubt that squad rotation will be necessary on the day as the opposition have admitted that they have an average age in the thirties which gives them a significant advantage. The point of the game is to raise money for the Pulmonary Fibrosis charity so, in effect, nobody loses. The game will kick off at 1.30pm (after the centenary parade) and food and drinks will be available afterwards in the Big House. It is worth mentioning that the cup has been sponsored by Brian Kelly Solicitors (no claim too small) of the Ormeau Road and Brian will be available for injury consultations after the match. If you haven't put your hand in your pockets yet, and you know who you are, please do at www.justgiving.com/weirysbuffs.

Enough said, let's make Sunday a proper celebration, centenary or not!

Lions       3 - 0       Lambs

Hendy                    Ron

Bogman                 Frank

The Don(1)            Tank

McFlynn                 Noel

Sean                      Deeno

Texas(1)                Lorenzo

Ferryman               Jolinho

Ultan                      Fuzz

Magic(1)                Gaz

Drawing Down the Moon

More like barking at the moon



It's not often that indoor football ends in a draw but that's what happened at the PEC in this most recent clash of the titans. Prof Pete led his gladiatorial machine from the back while Girly Bhoy motivated his bravehearts from the rear - the usual entry point for his particular coital favourite. Never let him be called a corn grinder although that's what is intimated on his homepage.


Exciting, attacking football played by both teams. First one team went on the charge only to be pegged back and overrun by the opposing team. In the end a draw was probably the right result.


Apologies for the brevity of this report but I am in demand elsewhere shortly but thought you needed reminded of the www.justgiving.com/weirysbuufs fundraising page. Already in excess of £2500 and with donations coming from all corners including the rich and famous, you should be embarrassed if you do not contribute. Girly Bhoy will come after you - that's what he says he always does with his ladies!


Gladiators                          Bravehearts


Shirlow                                Jason
Sean                                    Culchie
Rory                                     Willie
Bogman                               Noel
Hallion                                 Sweeney
Texas                                  Girly Bhoy

Back to Basics

One hat but two hat tricks!

Welcome back to the Ulidia blog after an enforced lay off due to work, injury and holidays! Holidays are better than injuries and injuries are definitely better than work since an injury often leads to a break from work for recuperation! Monday's game saw two fit teams of oul lads with no necessity to call on young pups to make up the numbers. An attritional game of one half ensued with one team embarrassed by the quality displayed by the opposition.


Ron Manager's selection relied on simple passing football with no place for fancy dribbling (Deeno), shooting from distance (Culchie) or negativity (Conor, who drew another blank). Kev's selection looked to  nimble feet (Magic) and powerhouse bully boy tactics (Ultan - he's gonna kill me!) to overrun the hard working class heroes of Mr Smyth. True, Girly Bhoy would not qualify for Ron's team since he has never had a job but a career in the pornographic film industry beckons after he demonstrated the monster balls between his legs during the match - normally referred to as a nutmeg!


Two hat tricks and goals from Deeno and Jim "Tank" Sheridan completed the rout. It's indeed back to the drawing board for Kev and his team who failed to find the net.


On a more serious note, it is poignant to mention that the international tour is just over a month away and more lodgements to the tour kitty are imminently due. Ron Manager will be in touch. Additionally, a final warm up game has been arranged for 24th April against Inst Legends at Ulidia. This game has also been chosen as our big charity fundraiser for the season with all proceeds going to Action for Pulmonary Fibrosis since our long standing goalkeeping philosopher mate, Weiry, finds himself in the market for a new set of buffs! We are expecting a huge turn-out for this game and you will find more details at https://www.justgiving.com/weirysbuffs where you can also make a donation. Please pass this link on to friends and family and do what you can to make this a big occasion. I will continue to remind you until you have coughed up!


Heroes                          Zeroes


Ron                               Kev
Marty                            Ultan
Jolinho                          Lorenzo
Tank (1)                        Ferryman
Deeno (1)                     The Don
Culchie (3)                    Girly Bhoy
Noel (3)                         Magic
Conor (0)                      Texas
Fuzz                              Sean

UDA at the Lough

Ulidia Defence Athletes won the Monday night big match. Step-over Joe playing left back, with the oldest man on the pitch Marty at right back, and my fine self playing keeper sweeper. Kevin's team all forgot their shooting boots and didn't get a look in!

Kevin looked a beaten man, his eyes bloodshot, his hair matted with sweat and a painful grimace etched on his face. It's the hardest I have ever seen him push his team, and he looked sooooo tired at the end of this hammering 4:2.

Kevin's two strikers Mark and Mark (mark, mark, mark, mark) sounded like two dogs barking at one another all night and just couldn't get into the match thanks to the UDA. On top of that Girly Bhoy had a spectacular moment in the left corner when he received the ball and juggled it from the ground to knee up to his head and then smacked it out of play! Looked like he picked up a bad case of the clap with all that twitching about.

Goal of the night goes to Gary, the technique of what a leader Klinsman comes to mind. It was indeed an intense physical game and you could see Magic has been working on that body weight, last week he was a kick in the arse off 14st, but last night he looked like his old self. Well done Magic!

As people get older they tend to run longer distance, their fast-twitch muscle fibres used to running sprints and short distances, become less efficient and with age and experience they develop the mental aptitude to push themselves harder!

Just saying, love Hendie xx Happy Easter everyone, I'm away off on a cruise.....

PS. sincere thanks to Ron Manager for continuing to bring us all together week in and week out, mucho appreciated.

PPS. To all Hamburg bound players, watch MOTD FFS, pass and push!!

Danske Bank 2 - 0 Ulidia Masters

Denmark (the Isthmus north of Germany)

Ulster (the 9 counties in the north of Ireland)



On consecutive Sundays, the men of Ulster (check the meaning of Ulidia, non Irish speakers) have taken to the battlefield to defend the honour of their infamous name by kicking a ball around a patch of green. The most recent outing pitched the boys in green against the blue boys of Danske Band, ably mustered by Davy "Chopper" Harris. This nomenclature has more to do with a former Chelsea full back than the size of Davy's manhood! The venue was the new 4G pitch at Knockbreda, a jolly fine setting for a Sunday afternoon kick about.


Both teams started tentatively with neither keeper called to make a save early doors. The evenly matched sides continued in the same vein until Ulidia pushed up for a corner. The ball bounced at the feet of makeshift striker, Stevie Mitchell, who connected but his shot went wide to the relief of the Danske Courtois. Minutes later, a sweet through ball from Mitch gave Mad Jack Anderson the opportunity to open his account but his shot hit the post, while at the other end, Kieran "The Cat" Connolly pulled off a couple of great saves during the half to ensure honours were even at half time.


Squad rotation at half time and a relatively positive team talk from Ron Manager looked to settle the nerves and press for the elusive goal, however, Danske and in particular, Scottie the Marathon Man, had other ideas. A looping cross cum shot swirled into the Ulidia net off the post and the Danish pastry lovers were in heaven. An end to end game ensued and it was the Danes who profited again when Johnny Glover got a nosebleed in the opposition box and the ball bounced off his head and into the gaping Ulidia net. 2-0 to the Norsemen. And so it would remain despite Ron reshuffling his pack.


The post match inquiry in the Knockbreda club, concluded that, despite the result, this was an improved performance from the Ulidia boys. Possession stats were up from the last game as were shots, corners and tackles won. The goals scored stat was down but this could be ignored in the absence of a recognised striker. A couple more games before the Hamburg international to get the balance in the team about right. Magic showed some concern about who he might be rooming with on tour when it was suggested he should look after Girly Bhoy. His worries abated when it was pointed out that Girly will spend very little time in his bedroom but will spend a load of euros in the bedrooms of the Hamburg professionals of the Rieperbahn!


Roll on Hamburg, roll off Girly Bhoy!