March of the Lambs

Manuela and Girly Man

The first week of the month of March when I am reliably informed that the weather changes from lionesque to lamb-like in the 31 days it takes for the month to pass. The most recent outing at Lough Moss was a timid affair with both teams more lamb-like than lionesque. The result was a home win with goals coming from Tank, Fuzz, Ferryman, Deeno, Culchie and Cruncher but in no particular order and in no particular end.

This month also celebrates the first anniversary of the fund raising effort we all contributed to when our philosopher goalkeeper was suffering the terrible effects of pulmonary fibrosis. This, as we know, was very successful, not only in bringing the attention of the public to the debilitating effects of the disease, but also has provided a happy outcome for the Scottish legend who is now fully functional with two working lungs. Indeed it is hoped that he will make a return to his position between the sticks at the second playing of the Love Street Charity Cup. I bring this up because, this week, I received a very nice email from a chap called Alex Croft at Action for Pulmonary Fibrosis. In a very humble missive, he conveyed his gratitude for your generosity in raising a total of £8713.23 for their relatively small charity. Not bad for a bunch of has been ex footballers!

Last week, I also received the following link from Burnsy of Orangefield - one of our adversaries on the field.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/mar/04/james-brown-five-a-side-above-head-height?

As a reader of this blog, it reminded him of the original article which prompted the instigation of the Len Cantello FC blog over a year ago. I particularly liked the metaphorical use of "sporting karaoke" in this piece. The truth is some of us couldn't sing in 1982 when our game started and still can't sing now - that was another metaphor in case you wondered. Ironically, that original link, over a year ago, was provided by Blind Willie who only this morning sent me the same link to the above blog. Looks like you might need to copy and paste that to make it work.

I was talking to Blind Willie recently and he is confidently striding toward full recovery after his own health issues. He has just embarked on a "Belt and Braces" course of chemotherapy to ensure his return to the fray in the not too distant future.

Finally, a nod to Girly Bhoy who has at last become a man having been seen out with a lady (Manuela) and not a ladyboy. I had a lengthy chat with the hithertoo, wily goal getter who has had his own set of problems to deal with of late. A diagnosis of Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma was not the perfect coming of age gift but unfortunately something that he has to confront head on. This will of course wreak havoc to his expensive thatch but should allow him to continue providing us with amusing anecdotes for years to come. Keep taking the pills Girly!

Sheep in Wolf's Clothing

A sheepish looking Wolf

Not a night to remember at Lough Moss, (just ask the Gazi - he forgot to turn up) but for the reappearance after many moons of Wolfman who continues to bark at the terrestrial satellite while nobody else listens. Not a bad reintroduction for the hirsute playmaker who has changed his diet, girlfriend and trouser size in the intervening years since he last put his paw on a ball. Indeed, the lupine master was instrumental in putting the lambs of Lough Moss to the slaughter as he ran the show from the heart of midfield without a single howler. He hopes to return next week since he has got a taste for the blood of virgins - not that there were many of those in evidence tonight.

For the record, Ron Manager picked a winning selection while the Bogman underestimated the value of experience in going for a younger squad of would be has beens. Their day will come!

The Fog on the Line

A good night for the soup dragons
who played on the winning team

A fogbound Lough Moss was the setting as normal on Monday night but the football lacked any real passion or desire - maybe it had been used up at The Morning Star on Saturday, venue for the annual Christmas Night Out. An interesting evening, bookended by the Errigle for some. The opportunity to meet Girly Bhoy's latest fling started proceedings and she certainly seemed surprised at Girly's popularity. He continued to surprise late into the evening when he touched for another girly boy on Donegall Street.

When you find the man of your dreams

Consequently there was no sign of the real Girly Bhoy on Monday night - it is alleged he has eloped with one of his future wives! The Soup Kitchen team ran out 3-2 winners with the goal of the evening being a deft back heel by Fuhrer Soup himself.


In response to the many questions on the recuperation of club captain, Blind Willie, I am pleased to inform you all that he has been discharged from ICU and has had many tubes (breathing, eating and transfusing) removed to expedite his speedy recovery. According to sources closest to the Blind stopper, he is looking forward to regaining his place in the first team even if he has to battle for his place with Brian "Ray Donovan" Kelly, the Ormeau Road fixer!

You can see the PEC from here!

Season of Good Willie

What a difference 6 months makes!

This blog has been active for almost a year now. It was initiated when one of our number, Blind Willie, drew my attention to a newspaper item that he had seen (surprisingly, through those glasses) and which echoed some of the camaraderie on and off the pitch that we have experienced as a middle aged bunch of has been footballers, for a number of years now. The blueprint for our game is that we still enjoy kicking the ball of air around, chasing it and each other with the target of being more successful than the opposition. Girly Bhoy has excelled in the twilight of his career and must be a runner in the Player of the Season vote at the Xmas gathering this coming Saturday - 6pm for 7pm in the Morning Star.

Something that has been even more impressive than Girly's success in the far east is the fact that Blind Willie has played football at all these last 4 months. You will all be aware that today he has undergone major surgery with his team of surgeons remarking how impressed they were at his fitness level and, "even more impressed with the fact that he played football right up to Monday night". So perhaps there is an ulterior motive to the Monday night madness and Willie is reaping the rewards of that now. For all our sakes, I hope so.

The news from ICU is good. Willie came through what was intended to be a 6 hour operation in 5 hours. Within an hour of coming out of the anaesthetic he was chatting up the young nurses and telling them about this great night he has planned for Saturday in the Morning Star. The physio has had him on his feet to get the lungs functioning again - some advice from Weiry might be useful there - and all the signs are very positive at this early stage. We are all unanimous in wishing Willie a speedy recovery but maybe not in time for Saturday as Brian has heard there might be a free meal available.

A fit again Weiry with Ron last weekend

Two photos of Weiry in one blog! What's going on? Well, as you can see Weiry is making giant strides towards recovery after his double lung transplant. The photo is from the Dessie Armstrong Formal which was attended by the current Armstrong Cup holders. Weiry spoke at the event encouraging all to consider organ donation without which we might not have had this photograph.

With all this serious news, it hardly seems relevant to report the scores of the last couple of Monday night encounters. You will hear all about that glorious hat trick on Saturday!!

Green and Whites and Oranges

Orange is the new Black

Belfast Betis

Old Firm Sunday and the Crocks of Orangefield took on the Masters of Ulidia, a bit like a Belfast Old Firm but without the flags, sectarianism or indeed, the football. The usual 11th hour apologies caused headaches for both team managers but headaches are something that they are used to on a Sunday morning. So, at high noon, the two teams took the field for the long awaited rematch after the initial meeting of the sides last March.


From the off, it was apparent that Burnsy had reshuffled his pack and introduced a few new faces. Ron, too, had reshuffled his pack and introduced some older faces holding firm to the belief that there is no substitute for experience and treachery. Orangefield attacked down both flanks but were unable to open the scoring until a set piece (read corner that bounced four times in the Ulidia box) that must have taken weeks of training to perfect, allowed the ball to be flicked past the helpless keeper and Orangefield got their first notch on the Aquinas bedpost. Ulidia were still playing some neat football and should have had the ball in the back of the onion bag when Ferryman broke clear, did the hard work in beating the hapless defender, but slapped his shot wide of the target. Feeling a bit sorry for himself, the Ferryman volunteered to make way for a very enthusiastic Culchie who stepped on to the pitch and passed the ball to the Orangefield centre forward for number two.


At last Ulidia woke up with a deft right foot shot from Madman that found the back of the net and Ulidia were back in the game. Not for long. A counter attack from Orangefield after the ball was lost in midfield, resulted in a volleyed goal into the Ulidia net, off the post, and the Orangefield players celebrated - as much surprised as Ulidia by the quality of the strike. The half was not over yet though. Doc, playing out wide for Orangefield, picked the ball up and ventured into the Ulidia box, tripping over himself acrobatically. The ref, who had a generally good game, blew up and the shock wave brought tears to the eyes of Blind Willie who was adjudged to have scythed the nimble Doc. The penalty was converted by Doc himself and the whistle for half time could not come soon enough for the Belfast Betis.


Half Time, Ulidia 1-4 Orangefield.


Both teams made changes for the second half but neither could make any difference to the scoreline as Orangefield netted four more times to Ulidia's once - a goal from debutant, Conor the Fish, continuing the tradition of goalscoring aquatic species following in the wavy fin flips of the lamented Billy the Fish. Bring back the fat slags says Girly Bhoy who was again conspicuous by his absence. An ideal foil for Cruncher, his non appearance undoubtedly contributed to this soundest of defeats and the biggest in the long illustrious history of this ancient team. However, no point in crying over spilt milk, but spill Ron's pint and that's another story.


Thanks to the ref who gave his services free of charge and thanks to Orangefield for the invitation back to the Cregagh Club. With tails firmly lodged between legs this didn't happen but when the re-rematch takes place, let's hope for a sunny Sunday afternoon in the summertime. Beer and Barbie?

Ron, Burnsy and the Ref compare facial ticks

Vintage People

We still prefer a night at Lough Moss to a night at the opera

At weddings, birthdays, christenings and barmitzvahs, men (and women) of a certain vintage cast away their inhibitions when the DJ cues the opening salvo of YMCA by the Village People. Who, of this generation (we can't include Culchie here) can honestly deny that they have flaunted their funky stuff at the behest of someone slightly less sober at the table where they have been idling away the hours with small talk and questions about who in the room you both know? Quite often, the call to arms by the motorcycle cop is a good excuse to move on but not until you have tripped over a selection of handbags, discarded coats and drunk uncles.


I only bring this up as last night we celebrated the ongoing maturation of our own "young men" as two of our number were inaugurated into the sexagenarian (nothing to do with sex) branch of Ulidia. Yes, Jolinho and Texas were awarded the long service medal and celebrated in style with a presentation pitchside from Ron Manager. Long gone are the halcyon days of Maysfield Leisure Centre when the same gentlemen played in different teams, but in the spirit of friendship and love, differences were set aside with the abandonment of the aforementioned venue and together they have forged a path for good. No doubt Jolinho will be practicing his famed stepover on the pitches of Belfast and beyond (Hamburg) for many years to come but don't ask him who won the Eurovision Song Contest. Texas will continue to be baffled by the mystery that is Girly Bhoy, his street fighting prowess and love for ladies with very low morals. I will continue to enjoy their company as of course will the rest of our extended football family. Congratulations lads!


Ron Manager did not divulge details of the evening's proceedings on the pitch but I can imagine! Girly Bhoy scored the winner in a thrilling end to end encounter leaving nothing on the pitch but his mark.


For those involved, please note that payment for the Armstrong Charity Formal on Saturday 26th November is now due. I will be sending round the street fighting team if you don't cough up. And everybody else www.justgiving.com/henryarmstrong

The Reign in Spain

Ron offers some tactical advice to Spain's number one fan, Manolo.

The summer recess is well and truly over. Girly Bhoy headed off to hookerland in seach of the elusive vine and Ron returned from the networking course in Valencia with some valuable contacts.

Your intrepid reporter has had to take enforced leave from the pitch for personal reasons but this has opened a space for the Ormeau Road's answer to Saul Goodman. A well-connected man with a colorful wardrobe and even more colorful sense of imagination (laser tag!), with a catch phrase that can't be beat - "If you want a new telly, better call Kelly!"

I have missed the craic and banter but hope that a podiatrist can get me back to where I belong;

1.  Before Girly Bhoy sells his wine empire and moves in with Ting Tong 22

2.  In time to see Cruncher score

3.  To see Deeno pass (wouldn't pass you a sandwich at a wake)

4.  To be reminded of the serenity of a Jolinho stepover

5.  To hear another rousing team talk from Ron Manager

6.  To suffer unbridled sectarian abuse from Lorenzo (and everybody else except Hendy maybe)

7.  To claim my goal of the season award

8.  To witness Magic display Gary Sprake like rationale in his time between the posts

9.  To see Culchie blast high and wide and call himself cultured?

10. To befriend Blind Willie and kick his stick

And a host of other reasons, but mostly involving sheep and beer and therefore not included here.

Don't forget Henry's justgiving page www.justgiving.com/henryarmstrong

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See you all soon.