Bank Holiday Blues

The original "Sniffer"

Bank holidays are not renowned for throwing up exciting games at Lough Moss and, by and large, this August Bank Holiday was no exception. In the absence of Ron Manager, on an overseas talent scout, the teams lined out with Bogman going for all out attack with Cruncher and Culchie providing the firepower. Although one of the targetmen did eventually find the back of the net, their chances to goals ratio would not have impressed Ron. More impressive was Girly Bhoy's Taiwan shirt which got a second outing. He looked on form during the warm up too but alas he didn't manage to score, at least not on the pitch. Post match he left in a hurry as he had a Skype conference call with the Taiwan ladies who wanted to compare their recently received Christmas gifts. They got a set of ear rings between them and were hoping that Girly had another Groupon voucher for an extra set!


On the pitch, the Bog team led 1-0 through Ultan's arse and 2-1 through big Cruncher finishing a neat pass from the Culchie kid. Ferryman and Deeno evened up the game at 2-2 with only minutes left to play. The Bogman himself picked up the ball after another goalmouth scramble and made a neat pass to Sniffer wide on the left. Spying Cruncher and Culchie, ready to pounce, closer to the goal, there was only one option available to the footballing wizard - an outrageous chip from the half way line leaving Magic scrambling to get back on his line to deflect the goal bound wonder strike. Unfortunately too late and the massed throng gaped in awe as the ball nestled in the goal. 3-2 to the Bogmen and there was hardly time for a "By jove, I don't believe it", before the siren sounded signalling game over and the audacious goal was celebrated as far away as Valencia where the match was streamed to Manolo's bar where Ron scratched his head when he meant to scratch his arse.

So, school's back and lives return to normal but anyone who was there knows that there was something abnormal about the winning goal tonight. Almost supernatural, as if Ron was there in person willing his wards to win. Next week, Girly has promised to score a scissor kick and jump over the moon.

One more item - The Dessie Armstrong Charity Formal. We have filled 9 out of 10 places for this event. Frank and Weiry were the last two in - it has even been suggested that Weiry might speak on the evening. I hope so. If you think you might be interested, let me know ASAP. Henry has a justgiving page for the event, so if you can't go, make a donation and leave a Monday Night footballer message. The link is

www.justgiving.com/henryarmstrong

Cheers lads............. What a goal!


Bogmen                  Dogmen

Bogman                  Magic
Cruncher                 Ferryman
Culchie                   Jolinho
Sniffer                     Fuzz
Daddy                     Deeno
Ultan                       Gaz
Marty                      Mad Jack
Lorenzo                  Sean
Girly Bhoy              Tank

New Season

Reconstructed full forward

While many of you were settled in front of the box for a football disasterclass involving the cheating Brazilian Spaniard, real men (and Girly Bhoy) were gracing the hallowed turf that is Lough Moss for the start of the new season in the downward spiral of Monday Night football. Low numbers meant that two new signings made their debut - another O'Keefe, unfortunately responding to the nomenclature of Conor, but fortunately not blessed with the innate lack of anything that his namesake uncle has in abundance, and Ultan Towers Junior weighing in at 7 feet and 280 pounds, even more menacing than his gentle giant dad - see what I did there Ultan? Although the new lightweight Solicitor to the felons of the lower Ormeau had declared that he was available, Ron Manager refused to believe it and consequently he missed out on what could have been a frightening return to the theatre of nightmares.

Head Bogman went for experience in his selection and things started well. Spraying the ball around like a westie with an aerosol, reaped early rewards when Blind Willie (just back from a talent scouting mission to Sitges) got on the end of a long ball (something he has got to like since his trip) and slid it into Hendy's gaping onion bag. Such simple penetration brought tears to Willie's troubled eyes, or perhaps it was the onions on Hendy's team who left his goal unguarded! Hendy had something to say about it, but it was not, "Well done Big Willie". 

Goal number two followed quickly when the Blindman picked up the ball deep in his own half and weaved a pretty pattern through the knock-kneed opposition who could only look on in wonder as a slide rule pass picked out a galloping Sniffer who provided the assist that allowed Mad Jack to rip another hole in Hendy's bag. 2-0 and the game seemed to be slipping away from Ron Manager's wards. But not so.

It was left to the nimble footed Fuzz to inspire his comrades and in the style of his Maiden City compatriate, Eamon McCann, he declared war on the middle class midfield of the opposition by leading the way through hard work and endeavour. Putting his comrades before himself, he shone a bright light at a darkening stadium and his luminosity could not have been more blinding than when he drove a low shot through a pondering defence to halve the deficit.

We didn't have to wait long for the equalizer and a bizarre piece of goalkeeping from Fritz, the Magic Cat! Daddy O'Keefe struck a sweet shot from 30 yards which seemed to be gliding into the keeper's hands which he inadvertently forgot to take out of his pockets. Could be pocket billiards was more important than the incredulous looks from his team mates.

So, looking like a draw, Fuzz and his Derrymen retained possession but two glorious passes and a pinpoint cross from the socialist Steve Heighway led to the winner, a back post header from the biggest header on the pitch, Lorenzo. Ron was happy but his nerves were in pieces as Lorenzo, a solid defender, had reinvented himself as striker for the evening. Having said that it was a goal worthy of winning any game. The only person not applauding was Magic, who still had his hands in his pockets.

Many of the players, returning from holiday, were keen to hear what shenanigans Girly had been up to in the interim and nobody had any complaints as Girly modelled the latest addition to his extensive dandy wardrobe - a Taiwan ladies international shirt purloined from his latest conquest (and a jolly good fit she is too!)

The more sensational news of the close season is the injury time winner scored by Weiry after a very late deal in the transfer window. Yes, on 16th July, Weiry got himself a new set of buffs and so far so good. I have been in touch and whilst nothing is certain, the signs are good that his contract with Ulidia Masters will be extended. Consequently, we can look forward to more tirades of abuse from the fiery Scot for a wee while yet. In the meantime, I hope the heart is strong enough to handle another season of watching the "Buddies" and I don't mean the Belfast brigade!

Doire                Beal Feirste

Ron                   Bogman

Fuzz                  Sean

Daddy               Magic

Lorenzo            Blindman

O'Keefe            Towering Inferno

Hendy               Jolinho

Deeno               Sniffer

Marty                Mad Jack

Girly Bhoy