San Lorenzo de Clonmel

Lorenzo gives thanks for his name

On the occasion of Blue Monday, it certainly felt  that the Arctic temperature had descended at the historic home of Irish football. John Lavery had promised to deliver a hat trick in Davy's absence but failed to remember that it was the presence of the latest sexagenarian on the pitch who would prevent him in his quest. That's not to say that it was a dull game. Far from it. Kevin's cavaliering catastrophes romped to an exciting 9-8 demolition of the opposition who were held together by a robust defensive performance from San Lorenzo. I often wondered about Lorenzo's name and after an evening with a family member I discovered that Lorenzo has serious holy credentials. Not only is he named after a Pope, but the current Pope Francis is a fan - of San Lorenzo de Almagro, an Argentinian football team from suburban Buenos Aires. So that time Lorenzo collided with my hand and thought I had knocked out his two front teeth, I certainly had. However, the teeth were at once reinstated by a miraculous intervention. 

The Lord certainly moves in mysterious ways and that should be obvious if you've ever watched Cruncher perform one of his three point turns. As chance would have it, that was the second miracle of Ulidia - Cruncher scored last night.

Happy Big Birthday Lorenzo!

Season Finale

The Ghost of Christmas Past

It will not have gone unnoticed that we have now said Goodbye to 2023 and that December was an eventful month. We kicked off early in the month with a very successful Xmas Awards Dinner. This has been the traditional, annual get together when we choose a player who has performed noticeably throughout the year and present him with a worthy award. The "Glass Slipper" (formerly the Protestant Boot), a name coined by first recipient Gary Brammeld, has become an alluring object of desire for many of the regular attendees on "Monday Night". The vote took place on the evening and despite rumours of vote canvassing and outright bribery, there was a clear winner. Ciaran Donaghy, the quiet assassin, did little to canvas votes other than mention that he was from Cushendall, ancestral home of World Cup Winner, Alexis MacAllister. This, combined with a talent for not responding when asked his name (particularly by security forces) was enough to garner enough votes to see off the opposition.

On the evening, Cruncher O'Keefe came through with an array of other awards which were gratefully accepted by those recipients who had not done enough to win the boot. Special mention must go to Ultan Power and Marty McFlynn who jointly claimed the "Dirty Fucking Bastard" award for being two of the dirtiest fucking bastards in the history of dirty fucking bastards. Gary Campbell has his eye on that one for next year. It should be said that this evening was one of the most enjoyable in the history of these events, despite Culchie's attempts to incite violence, and we are grateful to The Pavillion for their hospitality and courtesy in helping us achieve this.

Armstrong Cup Holders

After Christmas, the annual Armstrong Cup battle with Cromac Albion beckoned. December 27th is the usual day for this charity match, staged this year for the 19th time. Henry Armstrong MBE is of the mind that the event has run it's course and has already put in place plans to hold a black tie dinner in November 2024 with a view to playing the final game next Christmas. Some of us maintain that there is life in the old dog yet and if there are people willing to donate to charity, there will be plenty of aging athletes prepared to step onto the football pitch. Time will tell.

This year's match proved to be another battle that would not end in entente cordiale. Sad, given that it is supposed to be the season of good will! The Ulidia team controlled most of the game but lapses in concentration and woeful conditions presented Cromac with the lead against the run of play when a lobbed header beat the advancing keeper, albeit from a pinpoint cross. Fortunately Ulidia bounced back with a hopeful long distance strike from Trung which beat the, soon to be, octogenarian between the Cromac posts. Stalemate at half time.

Early in the second period, the weather worsened but Decky managed to avoid a bathing duck to lob the Cromac keeper from outside the box and Ulidia had their noses in front for the first time. But not for long. Hesitation at the back allowed Cromac back in, not once but twice and the game seemed to be slipping away. Until, in the last miniute of the match, Runaround Huston latched onto a speculative through ball only to be cynically scythed down by Spot Muldoon at the heart of the Cromac defence. No one was happy and tempers flared as Paul Madden stepped up to slot the ball home and draw the game. A fair result? No. Ulidia should have been out of sight but in the spirit of the season were happy to share the spoils. Not so the Cromac team and it was very disappointing that only a couple of their players came back to the Parador for the presentation. At least Jim Cleary was magnanimous and understanding of the difficulty that the referee overcame during the game. There is no need for the level of abuse targeted at him by some of the players and when they refuse to shake hands, well, that is plain schoolboy pathetic! Ulidia retained the cup as holders!

Rainbow ribbons for our LGBT friends

One final outing on New Year's Eve drew the attention of the Belfast Telegraph newspaper. Follow the link below.

https://m.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/sunday-life/features/marie-curie-made-my-brothers-last-christmas-special-i-will-never-forget-the-joy-on-his-face/a1456011740.html?fbclid=IwAR3m6imaZtiiCok4GQ_3Og38OIV1jOZfS39OVxmMjFUcr6yzb_eVz8xl3d8_aem_AdhPeD8d-eaE07t_jujxDLvZZFH6egywQ2zH5xdSjUqWedyoM-D3HQEyj7XUoQqBAbs#lqz6x3rcoyke666we6o

This was the first anniversary of the lamented Stevie "Girly Bhoy" Wilson. Lorenzo McMullan organised a predominantly North Belfast horde to challenge us South Belfast Ulidians with a view to raising a few quid for Marie Curie. The game was played in more pleasant conditions than the previous match. Four unmemorable goals in the first half put the South Belfast boys in a commanding position going in with a comfortable 4-0 lead. The second half provided at least as many good chances to increase that lead but wasteful play from our Monaghan import and bad decision making elsewhere let the North Belfast crew score two goals and make the scoreline more respectable.

North and South together

The important statistic is that we raised close to £600 for Marie Curie. Not bad for a bunch of has beens. Thank you to Rosario for giving use of the facilities for free on both days and thus increasing the amount donated to charity.

Our next full match will be against Bloomfield in February. Watch this space!

 

Slaying the Dragon

Orangefield Dragons

Shakespeare's Brothers

There'll be singing in Paisley

Burnsy lifts the "MVP" of the Air Raid Siren Award

L'Amour and St Geordie

Maxi does his mean pose

Sunday 23rd April, coincidentally St George's Day, Shakespeare's birthday and the day the Love Street Perpetual Trophy was returned to it's rightful place, on Mark Carron's mantelpiece. The return leg of the competition had taken more than three years to organise having had to negotiate a pandemic, a catalogue of injuries and a place on thon mantelpiece amongst the ever increasing array of awards fighting for space there. Fortunately "Champ" had just recently emptied the bottle of Doom Bar which had been taking pride of place.

We convened for a 2pm kick off and it was noted that both teams had assembled big squads. The Ulidia clipboard was the subject of much interest as the starting eleven was announced and there was no room for the star striker but after a bruising five minutes in the number 9 position, I realised that I had to make room before there was an incident on the touchline. "Runaround" helped quell the potential for disaster, keeping Champ focussed by working on his jab.

After a tentative start, the stalemate was broken when Orangefield won a corner. The pinpoint delivery to the back post was met by Gary Boyd who placed his looping header beyond the scrambling cat in the Ulidia goal. Little did he know it would he the last scrambling he would have to do in the first half. Encouraged from the touchline, Ulidia took control. This was as much a surprise to the management as it was to the players who got on the scoresheet. Both centre backs Ruari and Andy, Paul Madden and Vize from the midfield and the centre forward partnership of Little and Large rounded off an even six in the first half. Champ turned so quickly to take his goal that nobody saw it. 

The half time lecture was replaced by smiles and laughter as finding ourselves in unknown territory meant that St Geordie could proffer the Lurgan champagne to any interested party. Both sides made significant team changes at half time but it was the Dragonslayers who took first blood in the second half. Yul Brynner, cameoing as Conor Mulholland, took an excellent first touch on a deft through ball and slotted the ball past the stranded Orangefield keeper. This was to be the final nail in the coffin and the game turned in Orangefield's favour. Camping in the home team's half for most of the rest of the game saw them claw their way back but they couldn't get out of that coffin. Goals from Jimmy "The Foot" Huston, another from Boyd and a debut goal from William Vance, advanced their tally to four. When the referee blew for the end of the game, smiles were apparent on the faces of both teams' players. Each team won a half but the significant half belonged to Ulidia and the Love Street Cup had come home.

The football, however, was only the warm up for the main part of the day. Making our way to the Pavillion for the post match craic and banter has been an important celebration of these friendly games. On Sunday we were also celebrating the life of Stevie Wilson, former player and much loved raconteur. We are raising funds for Marie Curie who cared for Stevie in his final days and if you have yet to contribute, please follow the link below. Donations on Sunday totalled £931 which is superb for a bunch of old men with nothing better to do. A huge thank you to all who have made a donation and to Michael Lavery of The Pavillion who provided the post match buffet gratis. Respect.

MARIE CURIE DONATION

The page will be live until the Ulidia Marathon Relay team complete the challenge on Sunday coming. Look out for more old men trying to put one foot in front of the other.

Orangefield have indicated that they believe that the movement of the Love Street Cup to Champ's mantelpiece is only temporary and plans are currently afoot to execute a dawn raid. I would suggest some time in late 2023. Stand By.

Love the life you live and live the life you love.

 

Youth Policy

 

The versatile "Runaround" celebrates selection for the "Masters"

Unaware that the Ulidia Youth Policy has been latently in operation for years, Stevie "Runaround" Huston panicked that his youthful appearance, realistic hair and Turkish teeth might preclude his selection for the upcoming Love Street Cup challenge match. What he has not been reckoning on, are the criteria for being part of that aforementioned "Youth Policy".

1    NOT in possession of a bus pass

2    NOT in possession of grandchildren

3    NOT in possession of metal implants to aid walking

4    In possession of a permanent thatch

5    In possession of at least 50% natural teeth

6    In possession of a hefty wallet in order to bribe team selectors

In his most recent outing on the hallowed plastic of Belfast's first football pitch, Runaraound was obviously overwhelmed by his newly found sportsman status and contributed little. He later opined that he was saving himself for the upcoming challenge match. 

A 5-5 draw on Monday was a good workout for all, especially the goalkeepers. Some great goals and some terrible goalkeeping kept the game interesting.

You are all reminded that this Sunday, we play Orangefield Crocks, our football nemesis. Everyone is welcome, nay, expected to attend. Please follow the link below to contribute to the charity which is again Marie Curie and we are all aware of the reasons why. Post match refreshments in the Big House.

Love Street Charity Fundraiser

Ban the Bomb

Return of Blogger

 

Scratch It, Hatchet and Thatch It!

It's been a long time since we had regular match reports appear here. The main reason has been my ongoing proclivity to injury and inherent unavailability for Mondays. A couple of games recently would appear to have banished this ghost to the back seat of my tour bus, so I hope to be more fruitful in providing a commentary, especially now that I have little else to do.

Since my enforced premature and somewhat futile retirement, it is unfortunate that no one has stepped up to fulfil the role but the reasons are many. 

Ron Manager has taken to jogging as a way of walking the dog and is continually worried that he might get injured. He will be fine as long as he picks Marty on the same team. 

Sean Nolan has had a double hip replacement and has taken to a life of leisure (or his bed) but is fostering ambitions of winning the Cregagh Golf  Cup when he gets back to swinging.

Together with a couple of more long term absences, several new players have been introduced and it would be remiss of me not to provide a player profile for those new faces.

Paddy, the Fermanagh Man, who talks a lot but nobody can understand what he says; Derek, a Leeds man, so first on the teamsheet; Sarge, good in the air with the follicles to prove it; Deccy, good on the floor where he spends most of his time; Micky who might be a worthy replacement for Culchie but the fucker keeps coming back. Then there are the The Vietnamese contingent - younger, fitter and generally better so nobody will pass to them. Therefore when Trung get the ball he shoves it up his jumper, Billy takes a knife and fork to it, Jack looks for Trung and Alex shields the ball like it is unexploded ordinance. We could learn from them all.

Last night's game was relatively uneventful. I was concentrating on not getting kicked so missed a lot of the action, Kev's Thatchers ran out worthy winners with the evening's outstanding performance coming from Mark "Cavan" who could do no wrong. A goal direct from the corner was the least he deserved. The glass boot is a formality.

It is worth mentioning that we have a couple of other games in the coming weeks. Love Street Charity Cup on Sunday 23rd sees the return of the game with Orangefield when we will be fundraising for Marie Curie. There will be food , drinks and a raffle afterwards in the Big House. Please turn up and donate even if you don't make the team. This is a game we must win in memory of our fallen former team mates so a strong team will represent us. If you can't make it on the day, I will post a justgiving page where you can donate. This will also be an opportunity for you to donate to the Ulidia Belfast Marathon relay team (Davy, Kevin, Ron, John and me) who will be running to raise more funds for Marie Curie. That will definitely be a test for my ailments.

Football for All.

Stevie Wilson, 1961 - 2022

 

The 12 stories of this Christmas

It's been a strange week. The return of the Dessie Armstrong Charity Cup, after three lost years due to the pandemic. This, we retained with a courageous display of total football on the 27th December. Then, a second playing of another seasonal friendly against our Carryduff neighbours which also ended in a win. However, these days paled into insignificance when we learned that the legendary Stevie "Girly Bhoy" Wilson left us on New Year's Eve. 

Stevie, who referred to himself as GB, died after a long battle with cancer, specifically Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. He will forever be remembered for his sense of humour, his story telling, his love of Glasgow Celtic and his penchant for Asian ladies. We all spent many nights out, at home and away, with Stevie and every time, there was a story to tell in the aftermath. These will live long in my memory and with many of you, especially Ron Manager his lifelong friend and often "Minder". Stevie did have a habit of getting himself into some tricky situations but always enjoyed regaling us with the tale of his adventure when he had somehow come through unscathed.

Unfortunately, cancer is not something that gives anyone that opportunity and although Stevie laughed and made us laugh at his condition, he always knew he was going to come second. The battle is over Stevie. You made it one hell of a battle.

Rest easy, old friend.

Ulidia Masters 2 - 3 Bloomfield Seniors

 ULIDIA MASTERS 2 -3 BLOOMFIELD SENIORS

Purple Hearts and Green Goddesses

Around February 2020, Clinton McCreery of Bloomfield FC contacted me as somebody had told him that we were a football club with a drinking problem. I told him that we were in fact a Drinking Club with a football problem and we realised that we had something in common. A match was hastily arranged but a pandemic got in the way, until yesterday. In the interim, several members of the wily crew have been forced into retirement and others crocked temporarily and permanently. Fielding eleven able bodied verdiblancos was itself a challenge, never mind getting them to talk to each other.

It was a great strike from debutant Chris Courtney that opened the scoring for the home team but it wasn't long before the competitive nature of a football match and the requirement to run started to take it's toll. Ron Manager's assistant for the day, Jinky Madden, was called on to provide restorative groin massage to several players before half time. A new career in the local pornographic industry beckons for Eoin "Chopper" McKinney who obviously enjoyed it too much. Changes in defence allowed Bloomfield in for a deserved equaliser before half time when Jinky rung a few more changes.

The Purple Hearts of the East came out strongly after the break and pushed on, scoring two more goals. The writing appeared to be on the wall, but half time replacement, Trung "Nakamura" Duong started to make a difference in the home midfield and was rewarded with a goal, celebrating with a bow to the home fans. There were chances at both ends before the referee (who provided the arbitration free of charge) blew the final whistle.

The mercurial midfield maestro, Trung

As has been the case in most of these competitive games, the pitch and changing room fees were waived and a healthy whip round meant we were able to donate a sum in excess of £250 to a suicide awareness charity close to the hearts of the Bloomfield team. Well done lads!

Due to ongoing pandemic restrictions, post match hospitality was limited to a couple of big tables in the Errigle but at least we got to witness Manchester United take an absolute pasting. One or two players who graced the hallowed Ulidian turf could have played in that team. If rules and regulations continue to be relaxed, there is every chance of a rematch with Bloomfield as well as The Armstrong Cup to be contested on December 27th and a chance to regain The Love Street Cup in the new year.

In the meantime, stay safe, stay healthy and get fit, not fat, this winter.